What's Up With the Brother's Johnson

My sistas, mothers, daughters and nieces: Please, don't lay down or go down until you find out what's been going on with the brother's Johnson. Unless you want to catch a case -- of AIDS or some other disease -- you'd better speak up before you give it up.

This is not the time to enact a "don't ask, don't tell" policy, especially if you live in Atlanta. If you want to know if a man has multiple partners, sleeps with other men or has been tested, ask him. There's always a chance he'll tell a lie, but if you don't ask, there's a greater chance you'll die. Imagine finding out that your man swings both ways after you've had sex with him or after you've contracted HIV? And if you ask him why he didn't tell you, he might say, "You never asked."

Ask a man if he has any other sex partners or how long it's been since his last sexual encounter and the first thing you'll here is silence. While you watch the dust particles float around his stunned face he'll be thinking, "Oh shit! Where did that come from?" His first instinct is probably going to be either to lie or to leave, but he might be man enough to tell the truth. (Just be sure you're woman enough to take it.)

What if his first response is something like, "What I do with my d**k ain't your business?" Don't be intimidated. Remind him that if his penis enters any of your nooks and crannies, then it's your business to know if it's been in active duty recently and whether it was armed with the latest protective gear.

Picture this: One night - after dating for a few days, weeks or months - your body says, "I want sex and you want it now!" But guess what? Neither of you has a condom. Since you think he's not "sleeping" with anyone you decide to go ahead and freestyle it - forget the condom just this once. Then a few weeks and a $50 co-pay later, you find out that Brother Man gave you more than you bargained for - a "present" from one of his other girls. (You never asked if he was sleeping around or if he practiced safe sex.) Had you asked the right questions his answers might have prompted you to dry your panties and go home or send him to the drug store for a 3-pack of condoms.

The stakes are too high for us to keep quiet. According to the Centers for Disease Control (2003) black women accounted for 67 percent of all new AIDS cases among women and black teens ages 13 through 19 comprised 66 percent of AIDS cases in this age group. AIDS isn't the only thing we're catching. Young black women are at highest risk of sexually transmitted infections, compared to other young women. In 2004 for example, the gonorrhea rate among black women ages 15 through 19 was 14 times greater than among white females the same age.

Some women might say, "I don't care who else he's doing or how often he's doing her, as long as I get mine." If that's how you roll, more power to you. All I'm saying is, "Make an informed decision and protect yourself before you spread 'em."

Tara Y. Coyt is the M.C. of Newsmakers Live and is featured in Procter & Gamble's My Black is Beautiful video. She is a writer, author coach, and speaker who conducts workshops and seminars on marketing, women's issues, history, and culture. Tara is also the president of Coyt Communications, the founder of the GET IT WRITE Author's Circle. For more information visit www.TaraYCoyt.com.